How much do you COST ?
The topic of money in a committed relationship has its importance because of the fact that each partner upholds their own value of money based on the way they have learned to perceive its meaning.
Whether you grew up wealthy, impoverished, or in the middle, you and your partner have a philosophy that can be either in sync or unfortunately incongruent with your living lifestyle.
For example, say you grew up in an upper middle class household your parents provided for you, and you never went without. You grew up knowing that if you needed anything, like a new bike, winter coat, college education, it would always be there. But now, you have your own bank account and income, but nowhere near the amount your parents had, yet you are accustomed to buying and shopping for the luxuries and necessities, as you need them, not when you can afford them. Growing up having access to resources that were always readily available conditioned you to feeling secure. The dilemma is that now, living with your partner and a budget, limits you in obtaining the once niceties you grew up enjoying. Emotionally, it’s conflicting, in that you’re feeling deserving but cannot purchase based on your partnership, financial budget, and bottom line, adulthood, no longer dependent on your parents.
Now for the other example, your partner grew up differently, their spending experience was similar but then a tragedy happened. His family fell on hard times, dad got sick, or had legal problems costing the family their home, and comfortable, secure lifestyle. They went from riches to rags. Losing money was frightening and impacted their lives much like a meteor crashing into their atmosphere. This financial crisis, taught your partner to save for a rainy day, based on a history that may have been traumatic. It may not have been talked about in the home, but he noticed the now stress between his parents, the cut backs, maybe shame, etc.
This adjustment into your adult relationship either transitions easily or turns out to be a disaster. Once into, the marriage it usually gets worse, then with kids, even worse unless the discussion and rules about MONEY are adhered to.
The truth is if you both have different perspectives about money it will need to be talked about and if the relationship is going to last respectfully, it will mean both of you will need to shift your thinking around how each of you behaves when it comes to the mighty dollar. BE SMART.
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